Monday, August 27, 2012

Bad day.

This is a difficult day for me. A bad day.

My youngest daughter is starting kindergarten in a government school today. Against my wishes. But I have been outvoted.

She wants to go, because she loves being around other kids. And because she thinks "recess" is "school".

Her mom wants her to go because- well, I am not sure why but I have several unflattering theories.

My parents want her to go because they are "patriotic" statists who think government schools are great and necessary for education. And, I suspect, because they want to see her get "the other side" of the story- the pro-USA side- away from my influence. And probably because here the government school also pushes a religious agenda which they would like to see her exposed to. That, along with any exposure to the National Socialist "Pledge of Allegiance" or DARE will undoubtedly make for some interesting interactions for me. Interactions I do not look forward to.

I am not a tyrant, and believe my daughter should be allowed to choose for herself, but I also know that with her natural inclination, and the cheerleading for school coming at her from every person other than me, I lost the battle before it even began.

I had assumed from the beginning that I would be homeschooling/unschooling her. Now I feel I have failed her, even though she doesn't know it yet. I also feel lost and useless since I have been caring for her every hour of every day since she was born- five years ago tomorrow.

So I am in a really bad mood, which is not my normal condition.