Monday, December 29, 2014

Firefighter or cop?

(Previously posted to Patreon)

If firefighting were done like policing, firefighters would go cruising around looking for fire. Or smoke. Instead of actually spending most of their active time rescuing people and property, they would spend most of their time writing tickets for candles, cigarettes, possession of lighters, or anything hotter than allowed. They would have quotas, and if they couldn't fight fires, they would make their own work.

Smokers could be shot dead, with minimal warning, since the firefighter was "only doing his job". And, where there's smoke, there's fire.

Any fires reported would draw firefighters from all over, who would stand around and watch it burn, since they "just want to go home at the end of the shift", and firefighter safety would trump all else. 

A firefighter discovered to be an arsonist would be given a few days paid vacation before being found to have acted within departmental policy. He would be reinstated and anyone who spoke out for the victims of the fires he set would be hated and threatened. He would get rich from donations collected during his vacation, and his victims would be said to have deserved what they got. 

And we would be constantly told how heroic they are, and how without them, the entire planet would burn to a crisp.


  1. " Instead of actually spending most of their active time sitting around the firehouse",


    With modern construction, structure fires are fairly rare. That is why the fire fighters have been trying to horn in on the EMT business. In our town even though the EMT's are employed by a private corporation, the city fire department rolls a full sized truck to meet the ambulance on every 911 call.
    The city council tried to expand the fire fighter's job by training them to install the flood gates in the flood wall when we have high water. The union pitched a fit, actually doing work instead of getting paid to exercise and sleep was against their principles.

    1. Well, I did say "active time".

      Many years ago I hung around a fire station some- my father-in-law (at the time) was a firefighter and had told one of his co-workers about my survival skills and the guy wanted to learn some things. I also learned some things- such as, the firefighters spent most of their time cooking and rubbing their penises on each others' coffee cups so they could laugh when the victim took a drink. My opinion of firefighters took a nosedive.

    2. Let me say, I do have nothing but respect for volunteer firemen. It is the unionized "professional" I have disdain for.

  2. Actually, this is EXACTLY how Japanese firefighters do it. They patrol (more often in winter and in the evenings), sounding a bell, as a reminder to everyone to be careful of the dangers of fire. While they don't give out tickets and the like, they are looking for smoke and other signs of fire. While I don't know how often they find fires, I do know that a good percentage of Japanese firefighters are volunteers, and they patrol the areas they live in. So the system you mention DOES work, but perhaps not in a country in the US where stations are scattered a bit further around than in Japan where stations are smaller and more frequent.